The joys of fertility treatment with a toddler in tow

So, to add to the difficulties of somewhat disturbed nights, we have decided to start trying for a brother or sister for little Maximilian.

I have to say that I never remember it being quite this traumatic. The main memories I have of the four and a half years we tried to get pregnant was failure upon failure. From quite early on, you feel as though need to mourn each failed attempt. That's an awful lot of grief. And then, of course, there was the overwhelming joy of it finally working and the resulting rollercoaster of motherhood so far.

This time, however, we haven't been so desperate for a positive result. Hopeful, of course. But not desperate. So, not being so focused on the result has meant that I have really felt the ups and downs of the procedure.

Firstly, there was the logistics of what to do with Max. We didn't want him to spend too much time away from his Mama or his Mummy so he kind of got juggled between the two of us and between England and Germany which he didn't really like too much. And neither did I. Of course we both liked spending time with family and friends but generally Max felt a bit unsettled and now, having spent 10 days away from me, I think we have all had enough! It's definitely time to go home! The one thing Max did enjoy though is trips on the train to our London clinic - he found the whole experience quite exciting and loved the picnics and Regents Park playground visits I treated him to afterwards. Of course he had a couple of lovely daytrips with his beloved Grandma too and since he has gone back to Germany, I have consistently had 8 top quality uninterrupted hours of sleep so it hasn't all been bad!

Secondly, there were all those horrid hormones - not only are they extortionately expensive, making me gulp every time I need to hand over the credit card for another vial of the stuff but my hormone swings made regular PMT seem like a walk in the park. We virtually had to hide the knives and provide anyone who comes into contact with me with a bullet-proof vest!

Finally, there was the worry of some severe abdominal pain after egg collection which had me in tears and got my Mum rushing me to the on-call docs at the hospital for a check-up. It turned out to be enlarged ovaries and some fluid and follicles that really shouldn't have been there given that my eggs had already been collected. The clinic doctor said it was a possible indicator of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) which is when the smelly hormones don't stop working even once you've stopped taking them (at least I got my money's worth!) This can be dangerous though so, for a while, they considered not transferring the embryos and scuppering the whole attempt. All the money, effort and upheaval for nothing.

However, the good news was that they did transfer two embryos in the end, and now it's just a case of 'watch this space' for the next two weeks!